“No. You don’t understand. People seem to think that they can just flick their wrists, type ‘you’re beautiful’ into an ask and press ‘send’ then all of a sudden everything’s better. It’s not. This is because 99% of people that choose to send me things like that, do it out of the goodness of their heart.
They believe that I deserve to hear it, not that I’m worthy of it. If I was as pretty as everybody made me out to be, I wouldn’t be sitting here moping around. I wouldn’t be hung down by depression and eating disorders and constant suicidal thoughts wherever I go. I wouldn’t have cried myself to sleep for the past week even though it’s the summer holidays. I wouldn’t refuse to say a word between hours when I wake up and when I sleep, and I wouldn’t hide my face whenever I went outdoors.
I’m sick of people assuming that I’m being ungrateful because I have a house, and food, and family. I’d trade all of that for a day of being properly beautiful. I want people to look at me out on the streets and smile or compliment me instead of laughing and telling their friends I’m their girlfriend for a joke. I want boys to actually get nervous around me instead of pretending they physically can’t sit next to me in school. I want to be able to be one of those girls that can go out and have millions of boyfriends and then have the nerve to come home and say ‘omg I’m SO ugly’ instead of actually feeling like I mean what I say. I cant stand being stuck in a position where I read a single ask of hate and I have to excuse myself to the bathroom just so I can sob and sob and hate myself even more for looking the way I do.
I’m not naturally pretty. I’m not pretty with make up on either. I’d be better off dead, and I know it. That’s why I’m going to die soon. Just because I have acne, and asthma, and eczema, and constant colds, and horrible hair, It doesn’t mean I’m a horrible person.